i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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