Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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