quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just google imaged poop.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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