I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
