I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
