we're chasing vodka with high fives
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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