wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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