seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
