Already got asked if we're dating
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
