unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
