it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
