I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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