you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
