I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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