she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize