So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
