just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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