Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
