i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I could fuck to npr.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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