just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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