so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
