Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
