The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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