you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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