Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
