I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You can't just leave with hair like that
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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