worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
