you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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