Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
