I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
