I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is my gift to your gina
I got inside last night via doggy door
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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