question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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