Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
