I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
