oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
