My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
