i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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