it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the liver wants what the liver wants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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