hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
