I just saw a hot homeless man
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
