If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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