Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
