dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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