I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
