I wish I only lived at night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
