shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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