She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
