Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
