google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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