Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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