apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
