dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He kissed a someone with a penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize