Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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