i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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