college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
