i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
