He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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