I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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