Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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