The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
