Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
