great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
